Hey, band practice is gonna be late tonight because we’re all hanging out without you

kidhaggard:

Oh okay

4 weeks ago

The Frenemy.: Bar Thoughts

I forgot I had a Tumblr account, but then I got bored at work and logged onto it and found this, then LOL’d cryptically to myself.

thefrenemy:

The things I think about at a bar:

  • Fuck, I don’t have enough cash. I never have enough cash. But I just took cash out, like ten minutes ago. Is this because I have suddenly started eating cash as a snack? Is this because of the one time I just started chewing on five dollar bills like a cow?…
3 months ago
my life!

my life!

(Source: jerkcats)

10 months ago
Why can’t I just nap with kitties all day?

Why can’t I just nap with kitties all day?

10 months ago
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

(Source: leemrsmn, via gotagirlcrush)

10 months ago
lastmariner: GRAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! LEGENDS!

lastmariner:

GRAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

LEGENDS!

1 year ago
thedailywhat: So This Happened of the Day: Nick writes: “Hanson (yes, THAT Hanson) played a showcase at work today. I got them to sign a Justin Bieber poster and take a picture with me. Two words: Christmas Card.” Sadly for Nick, he may not live to see Christmas considering he just divided by zero. [thanks nick!] auto Hanson reblog

thedailywhat:

So This Happened of the Day: Nick writes: “Hanson (yes, THAT Hanson) played a showcase at work today. I got them to sign a Justin Bieber poster and take a picture with me. Two words: Christmas Card.”

Sadly for Nick, he may not live to see Christmas considering he just divided by zero.

[thanks nick!]

auto Hanson reblog

(Source: thedailywhat)

1 year ago
Please vote for my cat Chester in this super cute pet contest! My mother puts her heart and soul into running a cat rescue program in my hometown of Granville, OH and this prize would change her life. We must win! You do have to register, but they don’t check so you can put down any name, address, etc. that you want. Put down a real email address though so you can go back and vote everyday. :) http://bissell.promo.eprize.com/mvpcontest/gallery?id=2502 Thanks, friends.

Please vote for my cat Chester in this super cute pet contest! My mother puts her heart and soul into running a cat rescue program in my hometown of Granville, OH and this prize would change her life. We must win! You do have to register, but they don’t check so you can put down any name, address, etc. that you want. Put down a real email address though so you can go back and vote everyday. :)

http://bissell.promo.eprize.com/mvpcontest/gallery?id=2502

Thanks, friends.

1 year ago
I turned 25 this weekend. I threw a killer party in celebration and all of my friends came. Thanks everyone for one of the best birthdays ever. Rule to live by: don’t do a shot if you can’t open your eyes to take it.

I turned 25 this weekend. I threw a killer party in celebration and all of my friends came. Thanks everyone for one of the best birthdays ever.

Rule to live by: don’t do a shot if you can’t open your eyes to take it.

1 year ago

My cousin showed up for Thanksgiving with eleven Four Lokos

Then my Uncle made up a dirty version of Twas the Night Before Christmas:


“Twas the night before Christmas, there were four whores in my house. Three weren’t wearing shirts. One was wearing a blouse. The whores were sitting in separate chairs, each hoping that I would cum in their hair…”

My family and I are so related.

1 year ago